— J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows)
Oh man, what a week!
What a fucking week.
In light of recent events over the weekend, I have been just a little bit on edge? Anyone else? Not only did our nation bare witness to violence, hate groups, and unnecessary pain, but it seems to me that we are divided on the issue, too. It feels like we have entered The Upsidedown and are “raging war in our living rooms.” (that’s an Alanis Morissette quote, get with it people, that’s from 2007)
I got into an argument with one of the closest people to me in the whole world. I couldn’t make heads or tails of the situation that had me stressed out. I kept asking for closure, and clearly stating that I needed closure to gain understanding and this person kept beating around the bush. Finally, after I called them and cried out how much pain I was in over the whole situation did they tell me the truth. (Sadly, it took my painful breakdown for the truth to come out) Of course, the truth changed everything. It set the one thing that made me so enraged to begin with free. I could understand. I DID understand.
Why is it that during the tough times we forget who we ARE?
Look me in the eye and tell me that when shit hits the fan in your life, that you aren’t shaken. That you don’t grit your teeth and gnash and roar like a lion over the most trivial things. That the smallest things don’t snowball into bigger things and before you know it,
you’re arguing with your husband over ice cream.
Take a deep breath. Did you forget? Did you forget that you have been through so much in this short life? What about the time that you thought you couldn’t go on any more because you’re so alone with your pain? Did you forget that you got through that, too? What about that time that you just didn’t want to do the work, but you plowed through anyway? Did you forget your own strength? Did you forget that you have lived through rough days before? Don’t forget who you Are.
I always say that you should be kind to yourself, and I mean that. If you are curious about something, you have the right to ask. If you are hurt by something, you have the right to say so. If you need clarification, that does not make you stupid. Do not let people minimize your truths. Own them. They are what they are, the way you perceive them to be, and that may change as time goes on, but for right now it’s okay to Feel. I was told earlier this week that I remember things differently than someone else does. Of course I do! I have walked a different path in life, with my own trials and tribulations. That does not make my truth any less than someone else’s or vice versa. It’s okay to say that something is not okay. It’s okay to say that YOU are not okay. Keep fighting the good fight, because you are worth it. YOU. Are. Worth. It.
My brother once asked me why I don’t talk about the painful things. I said, “Because it hurts too much!”
But even if I decide to Never share those painful things with people ever again, I still deserve to be treated with kindness. My feelings shouldn’t be negated just because I’m the dramatic one in my family. Trauma happened, and I endured. I am exactly who I fucking am! As Marilyn says, “If you can not handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best.” So, moving forward I will own my truths. I will carry them in my heart right along with everything and everyone else. Another lesson under my belt: You almost never know the whole picture. People are fighting battles that you know nothing about, so choose kindness, always. And be honest. Yes, the truth hurts. Suck it up, buttercup! Let’s advance forward, for the long haul.
Are you in?
With love and kindness,
Remember to be kind to yourself and if you or someone close to you is in serious distress or simply needs to talk to someone, please call the national suicide hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or text 741741.