I am officially 29 as of 9:40AM. I am a big believer in birthdays. Leading up to the birthday I am notorious for reminding everyone that a birthday is coming up. The day of, I am a firm believer that the birthday person gets to do whatever they want to do! I would post a corny photo of my brother and me but we don’t have any recent ones and I can’t find the cute ones from when we were little, so this epic scene from “Mean Girls” is the next best thing.
Birthdays are always a little weird for me. I am one of those people that makes a huge deal out of birthdays and I want to celebrate as much as possible (in an introverted low key kind of way). Growing up, there was always this sense of wonder, or curiosity. Birthdays are always a little bit nostalgic, but for me, I missed my birth mom a lot on my birthdays. I never could really articulate why that was because at the time I had never met her, but as I grow older and speak with my own mom (the wonderful woman who raised me, duh) I am kind of able to put together the fuzzy emotional pieces surrounding this day. It also helps having met my actual birth mom, and my birth family! I feel truly lucky to have been given that chance in this lifetime.
Birthdays even now have this sort of lonely feeling that comes along with them. It’s strange because on one hand, I am lucky enough to share this birthday with my brother. But on the other hand I am more sensitive, if not as iintrospective as he is, and while we are both very deep thinkers, he is quick to be a hero in all aspects of life. With that heroism comes this drive to move forward, while I am sort of stuck ruminating on the darker emotions that come to play on this day. I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s my chemical imbalance, or maybe I’m just wired differently than most. Who knows.
What I do know is this: My life and heart are so full. I have the best brother in the whole wide world. You could not even try to fight me on this. Through thick and thin he gets me in ways that no one else can. Growing up we had our own language. There would be many nights that we would wake up at the same time only to race to the bathroom. (Spoiler alert, he would win and I’d be stuck “holding it” how’s that for TMI?!) Competitive doesn’t even cover it for us, but we have always been competitive in subtle ways. Like who could do their shoe laces the fastest, or who had the best hand writing, or like last year when he blew out the candles first. We had similar dreams, and certainly shared nightmares. But the biggest thing to me is that as similar as we are, we have always been our own person. He has his own interests and I have mine. He is an extrovert and I am an introvert. So while there are many similarities, there are also just as many differences, even opposites and words just can’t explain how lucky I am to share this journey with him.
I will have a real blog post up later this week, but for now I’m going to snuggle close to my loved ones, watch beauty and the beast (again), and try not to troll my brother by saying, “when I was your age…” and then proceeding to tell him what he did two minutes before simply because I am two minutes older. (I tried it this weekend after seeing a meme online and he just looked at me like I was nuts. Oh well. Happy birthday to us!)
Remember to be kind to yourself and if you or someone close to you is in serious distress or simply needs to talk to someone, please call the national suicide hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or text 741741.