The Psychology of Cycology

Grief. People say it get’s easier with time.

Honestly? I have no idea what the fuck they’re talking about.

Which is sort of why I am here writing this.

Here’s the thing:

Most people want to help you. Most people won’t know HOW to help you. So you have to be your own self advocate and yes that is hard and scary to do but I promise you it will be worth it. So if you need help, ask for it. And don’t apologize for it, either

This isn’t just a mission or outlet for me to get better, this is also a place where I want people to read what I write and gain knowledge from my experiences, etc. I want to help touch other’s hearts. I will be posting to help others through my own stories, anecdotes, and informative links. I must say that I am not a doctor, therapist, nurse, nothing of that sort…. So most of this is going to come from my heart and the important stuff, I will provide links. Obviously this is one person’s perspective, and in a world this large in a universe this vast….. Take what you will. And know that you’re not alone. Posts topics will include: mental illness, PCOS, eating disorders, sexuality, addiction, education, parenting, adoption, fostering, friendship, bullying, relationships, and  many other things. I will be reaching out to friends who also happen to be professionals for interviews as well, so be on the lookout for that. Also, I’m working on a code but in general:  My thoughts will be in bold. Epiphanies and “aha moments” will be underlined and bolded.

Okay, so we got that out of the way. I am a 29 year old wife and mother. I can’t wait to be 30 because I feel like people will start to take me seriously at that age. I am adopted. I have a twin brother. I have a few very close incredible friends, and I talk to just about everyone. I am an introvert and I suffer from anxiety and depression. I also have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, and the hormones almost mirror a bipolar disorder type of personality/ attitude. My best friend died four years ago and I am trying to grapple with the daily grief. Because it really never gets easier, but it does get better. My daughter is seven and she is super creative, artistic, and funny. We live with our hearts on our sleeves. My husband is calm, thoughtful, and assertive. He is my rock and he has saved me more than once. My family is loud and very opinionated.  I have a twin brother (born together, adopted together, fraternal– yes people ask if we are identical.) and three sisters, two very loving (adoptive) parents, and 5 nieces and nephews. I am learning how to cope with them in a cohesive manner. It is not always easy, because we have very large personalities and a very large family. I met my birth family when I was 18 years old. I have a birth sister, a birth grandmother, and a birth mother, but we talk about once a year, and not all at once. Everyone is more comfortable that way, but I do love them with my whole heart. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think of them. (This is a topic that will come up– being adopted and how it feels, dealing with it, advice for others)

I recently got into cycling. It is the one thing that has brought me peace. It is also the only physical activity that I absolutely WANT to do. Actually, I get really moody on the days that I am not riding. It is fun navigating that, because I generally have no idea what I am doing on the bike. I wear an orange safety vest, helmet, hand gloves, and I have a big red emergency whistle with me when I ride. It’s hysterical. It has brought me closer to my family and to God. You could consider me a Christian, but I am more omnistic than most. I believe that all religions have something to bring to the table, and I like to eat from the spiritual buffet, so to speak. I have dabbled in Nichiren Buddhism, Paganism/ Wicca, Roman Catholicism, and Humanism. I do always come back to Jesus, though, so take that as you will.

Anyway, please support me by reading this. Oh, and sorry for the cursing but yes, I cuss like a sailor and that will never change. I’m too immature, vulgar, and creative to not cuss, so please don’t pick on me for that.

Remember to be kind to yourself and if you or someone close to you is in serious distress or simply needs to talk to someone, please call the national suicide hotline at 1-800-273-8255.